Published Thu, Jul 15 202112:03 PM EDTUpdated Thu, Jul 15 20214:18 PM EDT Jessica VanderWier, Contributor SHARE Share Article via Facebook Share Article via Twitter Share Article via LinkedIn Share Article via Email

Darby S. | Twenty20 As parents, we want our kids to feel good about themselves, so we try to praise them as much as possible.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Research shows that there are benefits to praising kids. A simple compliment can generate self-worth and pride. However, it depends on what kind of praise we give, as well as when and how frequently.

As a psychotherapist who works with parents and children, I’ve seen over and over again the negative effects of overpraising a child’s talent or outcome (“This looks amazing!” “You’re so handsome!” “Good job!”).

But these short, exaggerated reactions can cause kids to only focus on things that may harm their self-esteem. They might feel performance anxiety (“If I get this answer wrong, I am dumb”), for example, or believe that they are only appreciated for their appearance (“What if people think I look weird in this shirt? Then they won’t love me”).

So should you praise your kids at all? Of course. But there are right and wrong ways to give praise. Here’s what parents of confident, self-motivated and mentally strong kids always do:

They praise the process

When you praise the process (e.g., the kid putting effort into a math assignment), instead of the talent or outcome (e.g., the kid’s natural ability to solve math problems quickly), kids are more likely to develop a positive attitude toward future challenges.

In the 1990s, Carol S. Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford’s Graduate School of Education, studied the effects of these types of praises. In one experiment, a group of children was told they were successful because they were smart, while the second group was told they were successful because they worked hard.

When the two groups were given a variety of puzzles, children in the second group were more likely to choose a harder puzzle. Dweck also found that praising the process made them more likely to feel confident in a task even if they made a mistake.

They never make it a competition

Parents love to compare — we can’t help it! And sometimes, we’ll even tell our kids that they’re better than others (“You scored more goals than all your teammates combined!”).

Often, it’s done with good intentions. We want them to feel as proud as we do, and to be motivated to do even better the next time ... but for all the wrong reasons.

It’s not healthy to be trapped in a vicious cycle of competition. Social comparisons can teach kids to always measure success based on the outcomes of other people.

Even worse, according to research, giving kids praise in terms of comparison, in some cases, can cultivate narcissism, attention-seeking behavior and a lack of teamwork values.

The better approach? Encourage them to compare their past efforts with their present efforts, rather than with other people. This gets them into the habit of shifting their goals away from being better than everyone else and toward self-improvement.

They use observational language

Instead of saying, “That’s so good!”, you may want to say, “I love the colors in your painting. Tell me more about why you chose them.” (This is what it means to praise the process.)

Another example: Instead of saying, “You looked like a pro riding that bike!,” parents of motivated kids might say something like, “You were so careful and focused while riding your bike. Even when you wobbled a bit and almost fell off, you kept going! That was cool to watch.”

These simple language tweaks can help your kids feel proud of themselves for putting effort into something. It can also make them more excited to take on more challenging things in the future.

Lastly, it’s important to create an environment of emotional safety. If your child failed a spelling test, refrain from telling them they should have studied harder. Instead, ask them what they think they can do to improve next time.

Kids need to know that they can come to their parents not just when they’ve done something well, but also when they are struggling with a specific task or challenge.

Jessica VanderWier is a psychotherapist who works primarily with families and children. She is also the founder of Our Mama Village, where she offers parenting insights through online courses, personalized coaching and free resources. Jessica lives in Canada with her husband and their two daughters. Follow her on Instagram @OurMamaVillage.

Infoman

【#58 搵工篇】

星期一，嚟到英國接近半年後第一日正式返工。

第一日接觸呢一行，一朝早就參與咗個半鐘嘅Weekly Meeting，聽咗好多唔知係咩嘅term。不過嚟到新地方，總要有個心去學習嘗試新事物，幾時都係心態最重要。

返工，有人話係移民落地生根嘅重要一步，應該會加快融入外國生活。有工作有收入以外，亦都有平衡心理嘅作用……

嚟到幾個月後，當小朋友番晒學過埋個復活假，配合番英國逐步解封，就業市場慢慢復甦，就開始真正send CV 搵工。我喺香港做 Digital Project Management + Digital Marketing，Agency 同 In-house 都有做過，嚟到都想試吓搵番類似嘅工作。

有人會話，冇英國工作經驗，加上疫情影響未必咁易搵工，嚟到應該咩都做吓先，但係我又唔想咁快做啲完全同之前工作冇關嘅嘢，所以冇send信去申請其他類型嘅工作。

呢篇利申番只係我個人經驗，唔代表適用於其他人或其他工種，純粹當個參考啦。

//➡️ 邊度搵工？ // 💻��由第一封信開始直到而家返呢一份大大話話都有兩三個月時間，我唔算apply得好多，大約二三十份左右。我呢一行，通常都係去 Indeed，LinkedIn 或者 reeds.co.uk 度搵，不過得閒撳吓 Facebook 入面嘅 Jobs，間唔中都有啲好嘢，好似 in 過一份四大會計行請 Digital Team 人都係 FB 見到。

另外，將份 CV 擺多啲唔同地方，好似 CV Library 咁都會有幫助，會有啲 Recruitment Agency 主動搵你介紹工作。

如果你係 IT/Tech人，可以去下面呢個谷睇吓，如果你係 Developer，我見到都幾多工作機會，而且幾好 pay。 https://www.facebook.com/groups/932129573918475

// ➡️ 點填 CV？// 📃

執好份 CV 都重要，盡量一兩版搞掂，最開頭寫段 summary 介紹自己，重點係唔係寫每一份工做過乜 (What)，而係做嘅嘢點樣幫到公司或客戶 (How)。

關於 Expected Salary，呢度係興以年薪計。因為我冇英國工作經驗，所以申請時都有調低少少薪金要求，但有公司嘅 HR 就反而同我講話唔好叫得太低，本身佢拎咗呢個數出嚟畀呢個位，你寫得低可能公司會覺得你叫咁低係咪其實未達水平。有喺倫敦工作多年嘅朋友同我講，不明文規定係，份工喺倫敦市中心嘅話可以叫高幾千鎊 (年薪)，佢話就算同一個 role，分公司喺倫敦市中心同以外地區請人嘅 budget 都唔同。

除咗 CV 外，呢度搵工好多時都會叫你上載埋 Cover Letter (唔係必填但都建議加埋)，網上都會搵到啲 template，個佈局都係介紹自己＋點解覺得自己經驗加性格等會遘適合份工。

// ➡️ 點樣 interview？// 🗣

Send 完之後，有一半都係冇回音嘅，石沉大海，有一部分就會覆番你 “Unfortunately...” 即係今次唔考慮你之類啦，如果有回音有下一步，大部分一星期左右都會聯絡你。

好多公司都都仲係 WFH，所以 9 成 interview 都係電話或者視像。有啲會由 HR 打嚟作電話面試，覺得有紋有路先會畀資料相關部門去安排第二次面試。

視像面試一般都係用 Zoom，Google Meet 或者較少用嘅 Microsoft Teams，到時下載定。通常一開波都會叫你介紹吓自己，面試呢啲都要儲經驗，我嘅英文叫做一般夠用，就算寫定稿先，頭兩三次都總會緊張總會講得唔順，但幾次之後你自然會知道點改你份稿，逐漸就入腦用番自然講出嚟。

綜合五六次面試經驗，可以特別留意以下呢幾條： ️ ️▪️分享吓你最自豪/成功嘅project？ (最好有實質數據支持…) ▪️你嘅領導方式係乜嘢？ ▪️情境題，例如你同 teammate 有唔同意見，或者佢哋士氣低落，你會點做？ ▪️你嘅Career goal 係乜嘢？ ▪️點解會想番 Agency 做？(做過 Agency 再做 in-house，搵番 Agency 工就有問呢條)

其實搵工都好睇天時地利人和同埋人夾人，太太先厲害，佢 interview 係一擊即中🎯，已經返咗成個月工了。最後我番呢份工，運用到我之前嘅經驗，又可以認識呢門未接觸過嘅行業，以第一份工嚟講都好唔錯喇。

P.S. 英國工作節奏唔係想像中咁慢，係咪同近倫敦地區有關就唔知喇

P.S. 2 呢度大部分都係準時返工準時放工，但 lunch 好短，我同太太各自得 45 同 30 分鐘，我啲同事好多都係買份三文治或者沙律喺個位度食就算

英國搵工 #英國生活 #香港人在英國 #英倫爸爸

Blog 目錄索引：https://bit.ly/34VJxEW

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Online English Exercise System

Candidates :

https://www.upwork.com/freelancers/~01ac9f986f00a924e9/

https://www.upwork.com/l/tw/react-js-developers-in-taipei/

https://www.upwork.com/ab/applicants/1415957017465864192/job-details

https://www.codementor.io/u/dashboard/my-requests/cevc2mel3u?from=open

We need a frontend engineer with a rich knowledge on HTML / CSS / Javascript to assist our development for an Online English Exercise system.

Interested party pls talk at our Slack link

https://join.slack.com/t/dreampowerworkspace/shared_invite/zt-tf3jdyg0-0tdAQROUhme3LhdfWdDZmw

Infoman

當今的企業營運已經不可能沒有科技參與，但是否每家企業都需要雇用程式開發人員，甚至成立資訊部門來滿足需求呢？答案是否定的。近年來，越來越多的程式發包平台面世，企業對外發包的機制也越發多元，在供需之間，有哪些最新趨勢值得關注，進而以低成本發包實現商業服務的創新創意。

「我想出一個絕妙的創新點子，希望快速做出一個App，以服務雛型（Prototype）來測試市場接受度，但公司卻沒有程式開發人員……」如果你曾有過這樣的困境，這篇文章要介紹的「敏捷式產品開發」概念和外包平台的最新趨勢，將對你有所助益。

由於數位應用、服務的生命週期短，市場不確定性高；能夠加速開發循環、快速獲得市場回饋的「敏捷開發」（Agile Development），已成為新創團隊開發新產品、服務的主流做法。而近年程式外包平台（Outsourcing）的普及及易用性，則大幅降低外包門檻，讓案主得以用較低成本快速做出「基本版」的應用／服務雛形，等測試商業可行性之後，再進行最佳化與規模化。

事實上，程式外包在大型企業已經行之有年。根據AgileEngine統計，2018年全美有43%的公司都有程式開發發包需求，這些主要是專業的軟體代工業者，例如台灣的驣星、颶風軟體等。但另一方面，近幾年興起的小型Freelancer計件平台，則讓草創團隊、甚至是一般個人，也能以低成本的發案方式進行應用雛型開發。

一般來說，大部分平台的發案流程相當單純：只需將需求、交期、預算等必要資訊發至平台，讓接案者間進行競價、議價、以及提案，再決定要和誰合作。這些接案者一般被業界稱為Virtual Worker（網路工作者）或Remote Worker（遠端工作者）。

根據TimeDoctor統計，若以平均工時來算，一名加州的正職開發人員時薪約為80到120美元，在外包平台上，則可以用30到40美元找到開發者，若是發包給「接案大國」的印度、菲律賓、俄羅斯或羅馬尼亞開發者，一個小時的工時更可降到10到15美元左右，只有約正職員工的1/8 （但發包者要具備一定英文能力，以進行高效率的案件溝通）。

以幾個大型發包平台為例，接案者包括了專業開發人員、業餘設計師，以及資工相關科系的學士、碩士生等，資格都需要經過平台驗證。計價模式方面，除了傳統按件計價的接案模式，也有更彈性的「以里程碑計價」（Milestone）、「以時間計價」（Pay-Per-Hour）的接案模式可供選擇。以下介紹幾個歐美公司常用的發包平台（除了程式設計、也有美術繪圖、設計和翻譯服務），及其特色：

Freelancer.com 入門級的接案平台，較適合小型到中型專案，平均單筆發案金額為200美元（約6,000新台幣），此外，發案者可以設定每個希望完成功能的里程碑（Milestone），接案者完成到特定階段並驗收後，才能獲得相應付款。

2.Upwork Upwork特色是可以選擇工時計價，成功媒合後，除了要求完成作品，發案者還可以查看接案者「工作日誌」（Work Diary），上面記錄了接案者在工時內的鍵盤與滑鼠活動行為。這個看似神奇的方式，卻被接案者廣泛接受，而讓Upwork成為全球交易量最大的外包平台。

ScreenShot-VideoID-PLzDZ9N9l7Q-TimeS-17.png 圖片來源：截自Upwork YouTube影片 3.Fiverr Fiverr是亞洲較為知名的外包網站，但程式開發類項目較少，而是以美工設計、Logo、Wordpress網站、社群操作等業務為主。平台上有許多接案者會秀出自己的gig（擅長項目），有興趣的發案者可以據此和接案者洽談。Fiverr上的接案金額是眾平台中最低廉──大部分從5美元起跳，然而能處理的案件複雜度、客製化程度也相對有限。

除了選擇合適的外包平台，外包合作還有許多眉角：例如使用線上溝通、協作工具（如Slack、Trello、Github）來強化溝通效率等，而由於接案者來自多元地區，尊重不同地區的文化與工作模式、理解時區不同造成的溝通延遲、利用視訊建立初步互信等，都是十分重要的發包與合作訣竅。

說了這麼多優點，也必須提到外包的缺點。例如大多數「一次性包案」（one off jobs），通常難以處理需要後續維運、保固與擴充的專案。而跨國合作缺乏正式契約，也有可能導致創意外流、程式暗藏後門等問題（雖然平台上的誠信評等可以解決部分問題）。然而即使如此，外包平台低成本與快速的特性，仍為越來越多的中小團隊所採用，以因應快速變化的創新市場。

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A psychotherapist says parents who raise confident, mentally strong kids always do these 3 things when praising their children

英國搵工 #英國生活 #香港人在英國 #英倫爸爸